My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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