Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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