I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
