How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
