he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
