You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
