This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
