Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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