My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
