Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
