ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
