Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
