I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
