what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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