yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
