what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
