He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
