Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
