meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
This baby is an asshole
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Randomize
