shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
