I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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