We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
