Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
