I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
