he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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