Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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