shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
