Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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