508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
