Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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