I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
