You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Randomize
