He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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