went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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