there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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