Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
