naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
