My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
