It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
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