I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
