Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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