I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
