Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I need a beard to bite.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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