you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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