Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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