Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
