Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
