DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
