dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Randomize
