we have pet lesbian snakes
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
