She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
