this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
